In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice; In the morning I will prepare (a prayer and a sacrifice) for you and watch and wait (for you to speak to my heart.) – Psalm 5:3 (AMP)
I’m starting over. Again. It is way too easy for my priorities to fade away, to keep getting pushed further away until they are but a resemblance of what I once knew. Lord, I need you to speak to my heart.
I have been a pseudo happy, lacking the joy that I know can only be found in you.
I have been living moment by moment, hoping that my morning coffee and my daily verse can get me through another day of the grind of life. But it can’t. It’s not enough.
Every single morning, I need you first.
Have I set time aside, prioritizing us? You and me.
Have I awoken with an aching desire to be with you; to speak with you and lay before you my cares and affections?
Have I offered a sacrifice of my precious time, a devoted moment where there are no distractions?
Have I watched and waited, for your voice? Have I eagerly paused for you to speak to my heart?
When is it your turn?
You cannot be replaced. Your words cannot be matched by the mumbling of the world.
“But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning.”- Psalm 59:16
That is why, each morning, I need you. It’s refreshing, it’s a new aspect of you that I’m learning, because you are so exquisite.
Exquisite- of special beauty or charm, or rare and appealing excellence.
I need you to be my one and only. My first and my last.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, their faces shall never be ashamed.”- Psalm 34:4-5
When I try to be beautiful on my own, I fail.
When I try to be radiant on my own, it doesn’t last.
I cannot be the wife, mom, business owner, and friend that I desire to be on my own.
I can surely try, but it leaves me exhausted.
What is the quality am I giving out if what is inside of me is lacking?
It’s His peace that transcends understanding, it’s the Joy found in him, it’s love deeply rooted.
If I have those things, if I have Jesus, alive and active in me (not living off of an old word and a stagnant relationship) then I will be radiant, because He will shine through me.
And that’s exactly what I need; Less of me and more of Him.
Make time this week to sit and pour out your heart before Him. Wait and see what He speaks to your heart. Write it down, dwell on it, and begin to live it out.
There’s character in the weathering of the door, it tells a story of its own. Its why were drawn to these things, they’re real, like us.
I decided that this year, I am going to get acquainted with my area and explore the surrounding cities more. So, my husband, Brady and I hopped in the car after church this last Sunday and went on a little adventure. We ended up at the richly Greek cultured city of Tarpon Springs.
In the past, I wouldn’t have seen it, but I was intentionally looking for something that spoke to me.
When we drove by, I knew that it was what I was looking for. It was an abandoned building that was falling apart, but it possessed an immense amount of character.
You begin to see things differently when you choose to focus.
I gasped, “How beautiful is this door?” There’s something about the authenticity of it that gripped my gaze.
I saw it, tattered and aged, and declared that it was a work of art.
Yet, we deem ourselves broken and bruised because of our past. We hide our shame, we bury our hurts and try to cover them up. We make our schedules busier, try to enhance our appearances, attempt to be the perfect wife, mom, friend and the list goes on. Instead of making us feel happier, its crippling us. We might look like we have it all together, but the loneliness from the aching of our hearts is intensifying.
Have you ever faced the deepest hurts of your soul? Have you chosen to forgive those who have cut you to the core of your being? Have you truly forgiven yourself for mistakes that you have made? Have you come to peace with God for the losses in your life that you might never understand?
Until you have done this, mustered up the courage to face the past and conquer it with those words of forgiveness, you cannot heal. You cannot move forward. They will haunt you, never allowing you to be the woman that God created you to be.
You were created to be free, full of joy and a light to the world.
The moment I sat there shaking, with a clenched jaw, hands to my face and a dry throat, I barely breathed out the words, “ I forgive them ”.
It was the moment that I opened the door to my healing.
I didn’t have to say it to anyones face, but God heard me and my heart felt it. I surely didn’t want to say it, but I knew it was what I needed to do. I had a choice: to allow bitterness to set in and overtake my life, or to try and find healing in the hurting.
And I will be the first to tell you, that complete healing can be a journey.
I am that old door: I have known the weathering of seasons, I have faced the rains that tear away at the soul. I had locked myself shut for years, hiding, trying desperately to be strong for myself, when I was honestly terrified of letting anyone in.
But there was day that the sun shone, the lock was turned and I was ready to open myself back up. I finally felt like myself again. I saw the door beneath, the core of who I was and it was more beautiful that I had remembered.
You, my dear, are also unbelievably beautiful.
Underneath all of the layers of hurt, depression, anxiety, self-hate, and disappointment or whatever it is that you are dealing with, there is a beautiful you that is waiting for wholeness. Draw near to the Father who desires you.
He says, “There is nothing too broken for me to fix!”
The lies tell us that it’s not true, but indeed it is. Cherish these words, it is your time to find healing under his wings.
He has made you beautiful. Its time to rise, to shine, to be filled with joy once again.
“In the shadow of your wing, I will sing for joy.” – Psalm 63:7
There can be beauty where there was brokenness. He turns our darkest hours into monuments of his goodness; Places we can look back and say, He was faithful. He is always faithful.
I urge you to write this down and put it somewhere that you can see it everyday.
“There’s nothing too broken for Him to fix.”
Let it begin to change your perspective and move you closer to living in the fullness of joy, ready to shine out in praise for what He has done in your life.
“You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!”– Psalm 30:11-12
✨ I’m Kicking off the New Year with a few of my favorite makeup products: ✨
Estée Lauder: Double Wear Light Foundation – I have been a devoted wearer of this foundation for years. It’s all you need in a foundation! The long lasting wear combined with the right coverage and perfect shade has never done me wrong. Find your shade RIGHT HERE.
Urban Decay: Naked Ultimate Basics- THIS EYESHADOW PALATTE is newer to my makeup collection, but it was an instant favorite! I’ve always been an admirer of the Urban Decay Naked Collection. So many shades to mix together, but always a natural bombshell finish. Perfect for day and even more perfect for night.
Julep: Length Matters Mascara- I’ve never complained about my God-given, long eye lashes, but without the right mascara, things can get complicated. After trying multiple mascaras, THIS MASCARA is absolutely perfect for me. It makes them look like falsies and keeps them separated. Love love love! (It’s also great for adding definition to shorter lashes.)
Bite Beauty: Matte Créme Lip Crayon in Cava. What I love most is that it’s a naturally made and luxurious. I have various shades of this lip crayon and it’s always my go-to! Get yours HERE.
I hope you had an amazing Christmas and New Year with your loved ones! I’m excited for all of the freshness that a New Year brings!
What are some of your favorite new beauty finds?! Please do tell.
It doesn’t matter how you became a mom, it only matters that you are one.
I know from experience that being a momma can hurt, like deeply hurt. I also know that it can heal.
Being a mom is the most beautiful gift.
A gift that requires a substantial amount of time, sacrifice, love and most of all, courage.
If you have had a miscarriage: you are a mom! Don’t let anyone else invalidate that.
You carried a precious life (It doesn’t matter for how long) and that baby will always be perfect. You may have heard a number of crazy things, but each child matters. Another child will not take the place of the one you lost. But there is hope of mothering even if you cannot physically bear a child. Or maybe you can. I want you to know that you are not a failure. I thought I was, but sometimes these things happen and there is no explanation. You could’ve done nothing to prevent it. You are simply a momma who has a perfect baby waiting for you in heaven.
If you’ve adopted, then you are an amazing and committed momma. You know that love can be just as thick as blood and that your child is one hundred percent your child. They didn’t have to be born of you to be the little love of your life. They may have special challenges, but you’ve learned (or are still learning) to adapt and love them the way that they need it. You have given up an incredible amount of time and patience to ensure security to your adopted child.
If you’ve fostered, then you are a mom. A mom who has chosen to open up your home and heart to a child or many who otherwise wouldn’t have one. You’ve loved them through their darkest days and you’ve given them a gift that will last a lifetime. Those babies, children, and teenagers will never forget you. No matter how long they were in your home, they will always be in your heart. Fostering is a gift. Many people will tell you how lucky a child is to have you, but what they don’t know is that you are the blessed one. Those children are extremely precious and touch the heart in a unique way.
If you’ve birthed a child, then you know the sacrifice you physically made to bring your child into the world. You endured the pregnancy and having to use the restroom six times throughout the night. You made it through the contractions that you can’t even put into words, and you pushed (literally) through the birth. Yet, we all know that is only the beginning of the sacrifice made to raise a child. Your whole world changes when you become a momma. It isn’t about you anymore. It becomes about wanting the best for your littles, because your littles will eventually become big and have littles of their own.
If you didn’t get it already:
It doesn’t matter how you become a mom, it only matters that you are one.
I want you to know that you matter.
I want you to know that you are doing better than you think you are.
We live in a very broken world and every time we choose to love and teach a child, the world becomes a little less broken.
I know that today some of you, (including me) are hurting because you’ve lost a child. But no matter what you face, you are not alone. If you want, I encourage you to leave a piece of your story in the comments to encourage another momma.
I am a momma of six by various means, but only one lives with me today.
One by birth.
Two were miscarried.
Three I fostered, but loved as my own.
My momma heart hurts. But it is also filled with a love and a joy I would’ve never known without these six.
They hold an incredibly special place in my heart. Equally.
I pray that you know that you are a momma who is beautiful and loved by a God who knows the desires of your heart.
Maybe an immense trial is raging like a fire throughout a parched land, a land once called peace and surety.
Perhaps the weight of a life-altering decision lies heavily upon your two fragile, shaky palms.
Even when the right choice is known, it can be extemely difficult to make. For once a decision is made, it cannot be undone. The permancy of a choice leaves a feeling of vulnerability and the lingering question of, “what if?”
That is when courage is needed, it is vital for moving forward.
Courage is the force that enables us to take the first step and that first step creates momentum to keep going.
The path is taken one step at a time, remember that.
We don’t have to know the big picture. We don’t have to know the exact directions down the road. We only need courage to help us take that initial step and for our little feet to follow along after that.
Everything will come together in time, it doesn’t all happen at once. It doesn’t need to work that way. Take it day by day, step by step, brick by brick. The road was never meant to be easy or to be well mapped out before deciding to bear through the journey.
It was meant to be faced with courage of heart, conviction of the soul, and with a deep trust in the one who is paving the way.
It’s courage that got me in and its courage that will lead me through.
My sweet boy is theee months old. Where has the time gone?!
I was going to actually put these clothes on him, but c’mon, babies in diapers are pretty adorable. Especially if it’s one of the stylish Honest Company diapers. They are my absolute favorite!
Mamas, what are some of your favorite baby items or go to companies?
I love all natural products, so hit me up with some advice and goodies.
Is the value of their soul worth the laying down of my pride?
Jesus wasn’t worried about what people thought about him or even what they accused him of.
He only cared about binding the wounds of the broken hearts and shattered souls.
He feasted with the hungry and gave of himself to the lonely. He spent precious time of his earthly life among sinners and outcasts because he knew that’s where he was needed most.
Aren’t we called to be like God and to live in the way that he lived? If he came to give his time, his life and his reputation to the sick and the sinner, then how should we give our lives?
He was not embarrassed to be seen with, and to recline with many tax collectors and sinners. Therefore, we should not be embarrassed of those who we are called to lay down our pride for.
For me, it is my children, they have embarrassed me more than I could dream up. They need love, they need affection, they need stability and they need parents who will take them as they are and fight for their needs. Is the value of their lives and their souls worth the laying down of my pride? Yes it is. A million times over, yes! They have caused me embarrassment (what kids don’t?), but more than that they have brought me joy and taught me what truly matters in life.
On many occasions, I have wished I could wear a shirt that says “they are foster children” so people wouldn’t judge me and blame me for their misbehavior. There have been too many times I’ve almost been kicked out of Hobby Lobby or been given dirty looks by people who can’t believe how “bad” of a parent I am.
It is incredibly ugly that my heart and pride would think that, but it’s the truth and I still must fight my pride each day.
I constantly have to remind myself to follow the example of Jesus.
He embraced those whom the world rejected. When questioned about those he placed around him, he didn’t make excuses, he spoke from a place of wisdom and authority.
“But when he heard it, he said, “ Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’ For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Matthew 9:12)
He heard what others were saying, yet Jesus knew the cost of his reputation was worth the saving of the needy. He loved him with a love that covered over insignificant things like what others thought about him.
Lord forgive me for every time I was more concerned about the thought others have had about my parenting than what I knew my children needed from me. I am sorry that I was embarrassed, when I should have been honored. I never need my pride anyway, so it is a double-blessing what you have done in my life. I pray that as you take what I never needed, and trade it for something meaningful that I would see what truly matters and live out of that place. May my actions and thoughts reflect yours, God. Thank you for the blessings of my children, for they have taught me many lessons and have showed me how to truly love as you do.
Where is your feasting table? Who are your people? Go and love them well.
I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Again I will build you, and you shall be built.
If you are in a season of brokenness, pray this prayer. Let it be the raw beginning of your healing process. Let the Lord begin to build you again.
Dear Lord, thank you for being a God of restoration.
You are a Father who draws us to yourself, a perfect God who is slow to anger and abounding in love. (Psalm 103:8)
I live in a very broken world, full of real hurts and seasons of loneliness.
Lord, as I surrender my brokenness to you, would you meet me where I am and clothe me with your affections.
It is in your Perfect love that all fear is cast out. (1 John 4:18)
You declare, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (Jeremiah. 31:3)
This is not a love that must be earned. I do not have to be “good enough” for you to bestow your love and acceptance upon me. You love me because I am yours. You love me because I am apart of you, crafted in your image. You call me beloved child. You are a father to the fatherless, a savior to the sinner, a comforter to the brokenhearted, you are a lover to the unloved, and you are hope to the hopeless.
You are the source of all restoration, the only hope for humanity.
Daddy, I surrender to you humbly, yet boldly.Deliver me from my fears; heal my deep wounds, restore my joy, cover me in your peace, and be exactly what I need.
You are just that, the only one I need.
Here is my brokenness. I place it at your feet, oh Lord. It is messy, but honest.
Thank you for your perfect, healing, cleansing love; your everlasting love.
I thrive on the challenge of transforming wild dreams into unbelievable realities.
I drink coffee. Anytime. Anywhere. Any excuse.
What I Believe
I believe that you have worth.
I believe that you are beautiful.
I believe that you were made with a purpose.
I believe that no matter how messed up and how broken you believe you are that you are not too far gone and you can be redeemed and made whole.
I believe that the impossible is possible. I believe that Jesus in enough.