In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice;
In the morning I will prepare (a prayer and a sacrifice) for you and watch and wait (for you to speak to my heart.) – Psalm 5:3 (AMP)
I’m starting over. Again. It is way too easy for my priorities to fade away, to keep getting pushed further away until they are but a resemblance of what I once knew. Lord, I need you to speak to my heart.
I have been a pseudo happy, lacking the joy that I know can only be found in you.
I have been living moment by moment, hoping that my morning coffee and my daily verse can get me through another day of the grind of life. But it can’t. It’s not enough.
Every single morning, I need you first.
Have I set time aside, prioritizing us? You and me.
Have I awoken with an aching desire to be with you; to speak with you and lay before you my cares and affections?
Have I offered a sacrifice of my precious time, a devoted moment where there are no distractions?
Have I watched and waited, for your voice? Have I eagerly paused for you to speak to my heart?
When is it your turn?
You cannot be replaced. Your words cannot be matched by the mumbling of the world.
“But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning.”- Psalm 59:16
That is why, each morning, I need you. It’s refreshing, it’s a new aspect of you that I’m learning, because you are so exquisite.
Exquisite- of special beauty or charm, or rare and appealing excellence.
I need you to be my one and only. My first and my last.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, their faces shall never be ashamed.”- Psalm 34:4-5
When I try to be beautiful on my own, I fail.
When I try to be radiant on my own, it doesn’t last.
I cannot be the wife, mom, business owner, and friend that I desire to be on my own.
I can surely try, but it leaves me exhausted.
What is the quality am I giving out if what is inside of me is lacking?
It’s His peace that transcends understanding, it’s the Joy found in him, it’s love deeply rooted.
If I have those things, if I have Jesus, alive and active in me (not living off of an old word and a stagnant relationship) then I will be radiant, because He will shine through me.
And that’s exactly what I need; Less of me and more of Him.
Make time this week to sit and pour out your heart before Him. Wait and see what He speaks to your heart. Write it down, dwell on it, and begin to live it out.
There’s character in the weathering of the door, it tells a story of its own. Its why were drawn to these things, they’re real, like us.
I decided that this year, I am going to get acquainted with my area and explore the surrounding cities more. So, my husband, Brady and I hopped in the car after church this last Sunday and went on a little adventure. We ended up at the richly Greek cultured city of Tarpon Springs.
In the past, I wouldn’t have seen it, but I was intentionally looking for something that spoke to me.
When we drove by, I knew that it was what I was looking for. It was an abandoned building that was falling apart, but it possessed an immense amount of character.
You begin to see things differently when you choose to focus.
I gasped, “How beautiful is this door?” There’s something about the authenticity of it that gripped my gaze.
I saw it, tattered and aged, and declared that it was a work of art.
Yet, we deem ourselves broken and bruised because of our past. We hide our shame, we bury our hurts and try to cover them up. We make our schedules busier, try to enhance our appearances, attempt to be the perfect wife, mom, friend and the list goes on. Instead of making us feel happier, its crippling us. We might look like we have it all together, but the loneliness from the aching of our hearts is intensifying.
Have you ever faced the deepest hurts of your soul? Have you chosen to forgive those who have cut you to the core of your being? Have you truly forgiven yourself for mistakes that you have made? Have you come to peace with God for the losses in your life that you might never understand?
Until you have done this, mustered up the courage to face the past and conquer it with those words of forgiveness, you cannot heal. You cannot move forward. They will haunt you, never allowing you to be the woman that God created you to be.
You were created to be free, full of joy and a light to the world.
The moment I sat there shaking, with a clenched jaw, hands to my face and a dry throat, I barely breathed out the words, “ I forgive them ”.
It was the moment that I opened the door to my healing.
I didn’t have to say it to anyones face, but God heard me and my heart felt it. I surely didn’t want to say it, but I knew it was what I needed to do. I had a choice: to allow bitterness to set in and overtake my life, or to try and find healing in the hurting.
And I will be the first to tell you, that complete healing can be a journey.
I am that old door: I have known the weathering of seasons, I have faced the rains that tear away at the soul. I had locked myself shut for years, hiding, trying desperately to be strong for myself, when I was honestly terrified of letting anyone in.
But there was day that the sun shone, the lock was turned and I was ready to open myself back up. I finally felt like myself again. I saw the door beneath, the core of who I was and it was more beautiful that I had remembered.
You, my dear, are also unbelievably beautiful.
Underneath all of the layers of hurt, depression, anxiety, self-hate, and disappointment or whatever it is that you are dealing with, there is a beautiful you that is waiting for wholeness. Draw near to the Father who desires you.
He says, “There is nothing too broken for me to fix!”
The lies tell us that it’s not true, but indeed it is. Cherish these words, it is your time to find healing under his wings.
He has made you beautiful. Its time to rise, to shine, to be filled with joy once again.
“In the shadow of your wing, I will sing for joy.” – Psalm 63:7
There can be beauty where there was brokenness. He turns our darkest hours into monuments of his goodness; Places we can look back and say, He was faithful. He is always faithful.
I urge you to write this down and put it somewhere that you can see it everyday.
“There’s nothing too broken for Him to fix.”
Let it begin to change your perspective and move you closer to living in the fullness of joy, ready to shine out in praise for what He has done in your life.
“You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!”– Psalm 30:11-12
It doesn’t matter how you became a mom, it only matters that you are one.
I know from experience that being a momma can hurt, like deeply hurt. I also know that it can heal.
Being a mom is the most beautiful gift.
A gift that requires a substantial amount of time, sacrifice, love and most of all, courage.
If you have had a miscarriage: you are a mom! Don’t let anyone else invalidate that.
You carried a precious life (It doesn’t matter for how long) and that baby will always be perfect. You may have heard a number of crazy things, but each child matters. Another child will not take the place of the one you lost. But there is hope of mothering even if you cannot physically bear a child. Or maybe you can. I want you to know that you are not a failure. I thought I was, but sometimes these things happen and there is no explanation. You could’ve done nothing to prevent it. You are simply a momma who has a perfect baby waiting for you in heaven.
If you’ve adopted, then you are an amazing and committed momma. You know that love can be just as thick as blood and that your child is one hundred percent your child. They didn’t have to be born of you to be the little love of your life. They may have special challenges, but you’ve learned (or are still learning) to adapt and love them the way that they need it. You have given up an incredible amount of time and patience to ensure security to your adopted child.
If you’ve fostered, then you are a mom. A mom who has chosen to open up your home and heart to a child or many who otherwise wouldn’t have one. You’ve loved them through their darkest days and you’ve given them a gift that will last a lifetime. Those babies, children, and teenagers will never forget you. No matter how long they were in your home, they will always be in your heart. Fostering is a gift. Many people will tell you how lucky a child is to have you, but what they don’t know is that you are the blessed one. Those children are extremely precious and touch the heart in a unique way.
If you’ve birthed a child, then you know the sacrifice you physically made to bring your child into the world. You endured the pregnancy and having to use the restroom six times throughout the night. You made it through the contractions that you can’t even put into words, and you pushed (literally) through the birth. Yet, we all know that is only the beginning of the sacrifice made to raise a child. Your whole world changes when you become a momma. It isn’t about you anymore. It becomes about wanting the best for your littles, because your littles will eventually become big and have littles of their own.
If you didn’t get it already:
It doesn’t matter how you become a mom, it only matters that you are one.
I want you to know that you matter.
I want you to know that you are doing better than you think you are.
We live in a very broken world and every time we choose to love and teach a child, the world becomes a little less broken.
I know that today some of you, (including me) are hurting because you’ve lost a child. But no matter what you face, you are not alone. If you want, I encourage you to leave a piece of your story in the comments to encourage another momma.
I am a momma of six by various means, but only one lives with me today.
One by birth.
Two were miscarried.
Three I fostered, but loved as my own.
My momma heart hurts. But it is also filled with a love and a joy I would’ve never known without these six.
They hold an incredibly special place in my heart. Equally.
I pray that you know that you are a momma who is beautiful and loved by a God who knows the desires of your heart.
You are not a failure.
You are not forgotten.
Keep the courage.
You are an overcomer.
You guys, Parker is starting to look like a little boy and not just a baby anymore. It’s bittersweet.
My momma heart is exploding with how handsome he’s becoming. Yesterday his pediatrician said he has hazel eyes! I’m so jealous haha.
Can we talk about how adorable this outfit this though?
I absolutely love this plaid deer onesie from EmieLou Boutique.
All the heart eyes for this paired with H&M Baby corduroy pants with suspenders and little boots!
Parker also has the same onesie with a plaid bear on it!
He’s like, “mom, why did you take off my pants?” And I’m over here taking pictures like, “little dude, have you seen your chunky legs? They are so cute!”
Happy 4 Months to my little prince, Parker Joel.
The only not so fun thing is that he just hit the teething stage.
What do you mama’s do to soothe your teething baby?
I need sleep and he needs comfort.
Thanks for the advice in advance and for joining me watching my little one grow up.
“Courage, dear heart.” – C.S Lewis
Maybe an immense trial is raging like a fire throughout a parched land, a land once called peace and surety.
Perhaps the weight of a life-altering decision lies heavily upon your two fragile, shaky palms.
Even when the right choice is known, it can be extemely difficult to make. For once a decision is made, it cannot be undone. The permancy of a choice leaves a feeling of vulnerability and the lingering question of, “what if?”
That is when courage is needed, it is vital for moving forward.
Courage is the force that enables us to take the first step and that first step creates momentum to keep going.
The path is taken one step at a time, remember that.
We don’t have to know the big picture. We don’t have to know the exact directions down the road. We only need courage to help us take that initial step and for our little feet to follow along after that.
Everything will come together in time, it doesn’t all happen at once. It doesn’t need to work that way. Take it day by day, step by step, brick by brick. The road was never meant to be easy or to be well mapped out before deciding to bear through the journey.
It was meant to be faced with courage of heart, conviction of the soul, and with a deep trust in the one who is paving the way.
It’s courage that got me in and its courage that will lead me through.
My sweet boy is theee months old. Where has the time gone?!
I was going to actually put these clothes on him, but c’mon, babies in diapers are pretty adorable. Especially if it’s one of the stylish Honest Company diapers. They are my absolute favorite!
Mamas, what are some of your favorite baby items or go to companies?
I love all natural products, so hit me up with some advice and goodies.